“Of all the beds I’ve made, this is the hardest to leave.”

I heard this song, “All the Beds I’ve Made” by Caroline Spence this morning and it stuck out to me. Sure, it’s one of those sappy love songs about going through many different relationships until she found “the one.” But, I couldn’t help but think of all the beds that I’ve made in my life. The hundreds of hotel beds, friend’s beds, and family’s beds that I’ve slept in. Then I thought about which bed is the hardest for me to leave. (If you know me, you know I’m not a morning person, so every bed is hard for me to leave).

On a deeper level, the bed that’s going to be hardest for me to leave is my bed at Christ in the City.

Two years of tears, laughs, cuddles, anger, and exhaustion. I’m going to miss those tiny beds with my bunkmate swinging herself down in the morning. I’m going to miss the endless pranks, late-night laughs, and “SOS” texts to get every roomie into the room for a dance party. I’m not only leaving a comfy bed full of memories, I’m leaving a program that has taught me so much and formed me in ways I could never imagine.

Christ in the City taught me invaluable lessons of finding and loving myself, having a deeper relationship with God, loving and serving others past the point of hurting, and to find my purpose in life.

These are all things I struggled with and still do, but now have a new family to help pick me back up when I fall. A new family who will love me no matter how many times I make a mistake, hurt them, or don’t love myself.

If we’re lucky, and open to it, we can all learn these lessons at some point in our lives in different ways. God knew I needed something so radical as Christ in the City to learn my lessons and I can’t thank Him enough for bringing me here. My bed at Christ in the City has been one that I’ve been honored and thankful to make (confession: there’s been days where I haven’t made my bed because it’s my least favorite chore).

Nonetheless, the day I give up this bed will be a bittersweet one- proud to pass on its lessons to the next missionary who needs it, yet brokenhearted to let go of this bed I’ve come to know and love so fondly.

Hannah is a second-year missionary from Lincoln, NE. She enjoys cats, tacos, and laughter (in no particular order).